Post by HLTD50 student Catastrophe Survivor
Having been a bundle of stress-ball my entire life, fear and anxiety, a mental health illness that have affected countless number of people of all ages worldwide, is nonetheless something that I have known and familiarized myself with. That is, the fear that I am not good enough, or the fear that the world is crushing down upon me; and as I try to fight back the forces that cause me to tremble tremendously, that causes so much issues between my friends and family and I, the anxiety just keeps on pushing down on me, weighing harder and harder. After spending my countless years trying to fight this anxiety and trying to out-beat and out-smart it, I have finally realized and come to conclusions that, it is no use trying to fight it, at least head-on, anyway. Instead, learning to cope and work along-side with this thing called anxiety, is what led me to my new journey.
“Anxiety.” Via Pixabay (CC0 Creative Commons)
One of the things that I have noticed, as a ‘patient’ who have attended countless numbers of support groups, is that often when we begin to open up to others for help, the majority of the time they would ask us about our upbringing or about the incidents that we might have or been experiencing that causes us to feel these negative feelings and despair. Little is their first initial reaction to ask whether our anxiety would be a result of our identity, such as our intersectional and cultural identity.
Therefore, before I begin to talk about my new beginning and my “New Year, New Me” project, I think it is important to share my story, to share my experience as a storyteller, in hopes to help others who may be undergoing similar experiences and really stress that there are hope and people that care about us and the voices and or darkness that cloud us every day of our lives.
As a young Asian woman whose parents are first generation immigrants, growing up was a lot of pressure. Expectations are high and at stake if they are not met and my greatest fear is having to see the disappointment in my father’s face that I have failed him, as his eldest daughter. In the Chinese culture, it is expected that we, as children, attend a well-known university and obtain a high GPA. Mental illness and other issues surrounding this matter are often seen as a taboo; hence they are not very often openly discussed about on the dinner table.
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Fast forward to present day time, I made it to the University of Toronto where I am currently studying full time for my final year at the Scarborough campus. I work part time at a retail store and I recently decided to get my qualifications early for a career that I want to begin soon after I graduate. Everything seems to be going well, I have great friends and family who have become a strong social network for me and I have managed to fit my final courses into my last semester so that I can graduate on time. But of course, in reality, nothing is as smooth sailing as it can possibly be, right? For the past month, I felt myself relapsing into my old self where the pressures are high to satisfy both my parents and myself, while juggling to manage all the other aspects that is going on in my life. Assignments and readings from school has begun to pile up, yet it is only week two of the semester; and there are certainly not enough hours in a day to have a work life balance. Not to mention, the notion of self-care has most definitely dropped rock bottom of my list.
I tell myself, all the stress and anxiety of tackling everything is only going to be temporary for this first month of 2018. Herewith beings my “New Year, New Me” project. I have established that, January shall be my “trial” month as I try to get everything organized and figured out to a certain extent and 2018 shall start in February for me. I have made a compromise with my anxiety that sometimes it is just not possible to be working on so many different things and expect everything to turn out perfectly the way we want. Yes, I am still going to be stressed and or I may still possibly have panic attacks, but at least I won’t overstress myself to the point where I am mentally losing my sanity. I made a promise to myself to make time for myself, to be spiritually whole and content with myself and equally important, try mediation.
While there are so many different issues that people experience, I understand that it is difficult to find specific solutions to accommodate everyone’s’ needs. Specifically, I have highlighted some of the ways and resources available that could be a helping tool to help ease the stress and potentially help with making anxiety and panic attacks a little more bearable and manageable. Several of them I have pulled from my “New Year, New Me” project to share with you and try to inspire you to create your own list of things to do to help cope with whatever mental issue and or stree you may be experiencing.
- Meditation: For a very long time, meditation has been used widely across the world in many cultures, as a way to connect with one’s self and to bring peace and calm. In the midst of our busy schedules, it is crucial that we find even ten mins for ourselves and be present and comfortable in our skin. There are several guiding mediations apps and videos online that are easily accessible.
- One of the most important things to loving ourselves is self-care. Whether it be reading a book you like or spending an hour having a at home spa pamper session, note that we, both our minds and bodies, are also equally as important as the test that’s coming up or our jobs that we rely on to pay our debts. Putting aside time to nourish ourselves on a regular basis can easily help ease the stress and burden of our everyday lives.
- “You are what you eat” & Exercising: Alongside with self-care, it is equally important that we eat the right nutritional intake and get enough exercise so that our bodies can fuel us with enough energy to last through our hectic schedules, and increase our happiness by detoxing the negative energy out of our systems! Through exercising and eating right, we are able to maintain a balance heathy living and improve our mindset quality drastically!
- Know that you are not alone in this battle: Many times, it is easy to think that there is no one else in this world that cares or that understands. But do not buy into this catastrophe because I am telling you from behind the screen, while wearing my comfy pajamas on a Sunday night, that we are here for you! There are numerus people out there in which they may be experiencing similar issues and or symptoms and are there to support you to becoming a better version of yourself! For instance, a post, written by Farrah Kabeer, talks about her issues with depression and some of the ways to overcome it. On the other hand, Chika Stacy talks about her intersectional implications as a black woman in the health care sector and the oppression that she experiences as a result of her identity. There are so many similar stories that you can check out and believe me when I say, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!
- Free Counselling Anytime: Whenever you need to talk to someone, there are many options and resources available! If you live in Canada, the ‘Your Life Counts’ website has a list of crisis lines that are easily accessible according to your geographic location and most operates on a 24 hours basis. As well, if you are UTSC student like me, the Health & Wellness Centre has personal counselling and group therapy sessions where you can attend regularly to talk about some of the issues or hardships that you may be experiencing.
References:
[1] https://cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/anxiety-disorders/
[2] https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/top-meditation-iphone-android-apps#1
[3] http://shamelessmag.com/blog/entry/too-depressed-to-go-to-class-today-surviving-academia-with-depression
[4] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MMPXSnlRUc
[5] http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines
[6] http://www.utsc.utoronto.ca/hwc/counselling-supports-and-services